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200 Bad Jokes That Are So Lousy They’re Actually Brilliant

There are plenty of joke categories, but none other gets as much attention as the bad joke category. The stuff that is so bad that it becomes belly achingly hilarious has been known since the dawn of Earth. It has relentlessly followed humanity throughout its stages of development. And while in the prehistoric ages, one might’ve found themselves laughing at ‘ooga booga,’ then as early as the Middle Ages, it was common to laugh at depictions of knights fighting snails. This was probably considered the lamest joke ever, but even after eons have passed, we still find it so bad that it’s funny. And while most of these bad jokes now come in the visual form of memes, the written word still prevails, and we have proof of it – this thorough list of funny bad jokes!

To make it even, we’ve discovered that plenty of sub-categories fall under the umbrella of bad jokes. There, of course, are some lame puns in here and, needless to say, quite a few dad jokes. And with such an array of categories, the topics are practically inexhaustible. So, from fishing matters to teachers and from kids to horses, there indeed is a joke for you, me, and all the rest of the gang. All that’s left to do here is to check out the lame jokes and see which ones you find the greatest. Once the winners are discerned, be sure to vote for them so they can live on forever in the Universe of the Internet. Also, don’t forget to share these silly jokes with those around you; you might make their day so much brighter!

#1

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

#2

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it’s only mild.

#3

Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.

#4

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

#5

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!

#6

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

#7

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

#8

I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

#9

This sweet ride has four wheels and flies. It’s a garbage truck.

#10

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

#11

There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.

#12

What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz? Cheese Was.

#13

What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.

#14

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!

#15

A guy told me, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” So I replied, “No it doesn’t.”

#16

Fun fact: Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also their biggest import.

#17

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

#18

My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn’t drink, it’s just that he’s really bad at crossword puzzles.

#19

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.

#20

What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!

#21

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

#22

When is your door not actually a door? When it’s ajar.

#23

A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had 50.

#24

Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c– MOO!

#25

What kind of pants does Mario wear? Denim, denim, denim.

#26

What do you call a hippie’s wife? A Mississippi!

#27

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

#28

I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.

#29

I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.

#30

There’s no hole in your shoe? Then how’d you get your foot in it?

#31

A chicken coup only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

#32

Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

#33

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.

#34

Why did the man get fired from his job at the calendar factory? He took a couple days off!

#35

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

#36

I’m not a big fan of stairs. They’re always up to something.

#37

What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.

#38

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out. The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

#39

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.

#40

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m ok.

#41

Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies.

#42

My boss just texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes!”

#43

Why was the math teacher late to work? She took the rhombus.

#44

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

#45

What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.

#46

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!

#47

What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!

#48

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

#49

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!

#50

Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!

#51

What’s green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.

#52

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

#53

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

#54

I like to spend every day as if it’s my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

#55

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

#56

What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach? “It’s not you, it’s a-me!”

#57

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints!

#58

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: “Hey, you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?”

#59

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he always gets a hole in one!

#60

I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.

#61

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

#62

It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.

#63

What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!

#64

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!

#65

What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!

#66

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!

#67

What does a zombie vegetarian eat? Graaaaaaaains!

#68

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.

#69

I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.

#70

What’s red and shaped like a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.

#71

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear!

#72

I’m terrified of elevators so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

#73

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

#74

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

#75

What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror!

#76

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

#77

It’s hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.

#78

How do you organize a space-themed hurrah? You planet.

#79

What do you call a magician dog? A labracadabrador.

#80

Why do ghosts love elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.

#81

What’s the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.

#82

What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

#83

What do you call HIJKLMNO? H20!

#84

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.

#85

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!

#86

What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.

#87

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

#88

What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They’re both purple except for the rabbit.

#89

The wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers.

#90

Why don’t dinosaurs talk? Because they’re dead.

#91

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

#92

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.

#93

What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.

#94

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

#95

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

#96

I’m really excited for the next autopsy club. It’s open Mike night!

#97

My daughter thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.

#98

Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.

#99

I’d like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?

#100

Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!

#101

What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!

#102

Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!

#103

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’re bagels!

#104

What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!

#105

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

#106

My favorite word is “drool.” It just rolls off the tongue.

#107

Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

#108

A communist joke isn’t funny unless everyone gets it.

#109

What does a house wear? Address!

#110

Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

#111

What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden? Artificial Swedener.

#112

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.

#113

I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.

#114

How does your feline shop? By reading a catalogue.

#115

Sunny-side up, scrambled, or an omelet? It doesn’t matter. They’re all eggcellent.

#116

Don’t worry if you miss a gym session. Everything will work out.

#117

Why did the businessman invest in Smith & Wollensky? He wanted to stake his claim.

#118

Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would’ve seen it.

#119

How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment? Ten-ants.

#120

Wait, you don’t want to hear a joke about potassium? K.

#121

How do you feel when there’s no coffee? Depresso.

#122

What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.

#123

Where did the king keep his armies? Up his sleevies.

#124

What’s the award for being best dentist? A little plaque.

#125

What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the Galaxy.

#126

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!

#127

What did the lawyer wear to court? A lawsuit!

#128

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

#129

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? Well, now, all of them.

#130

Why did the teacher love the whiteboard? She just thought it was remarkable!

#131

What did the drummer call his two twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.

#132

Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”

#133

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

#134

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

#135

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.

#136

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Get it?

#137

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

#138

What did the mime say to his audience? Nothing.

#139

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

#140

My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.

#141

What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

#142

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? Oops!

#143

What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80? Aye, matey.

#144

You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.

#145

How does the squid go into battle? Well-armed.

#146

Want to hear a roof joke? This one’s on the house.

#147

Why were they called the Dark Ages? There were lots of knights.

#148

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI.

#149

What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!

#150

When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!

#151

What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

#152

What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!

#153

What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad!

#154

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.

#155

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!

#156

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!

#157

What don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.

#158

What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!

#159

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.

#160

Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night? They’re constantly being followed.

#161

I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it’s just beer.

#162

I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.

#163

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? Because it was too tired.

#164

I want to go camping every year. That trip was so in tents.

#165

What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars? Dogerpillers.

#166

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.

#167

What to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.

#168

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.

#169

I like elephants. Everything else is irrelephant.

#170

What do you call banana peel shoes? Slippers.

#171

The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella. But he hesitated.

#172

What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!

#173

What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!

#174

What do you call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.

#175

What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.

#176

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

#177

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

#178

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines.

#179

Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, actually.

#180

Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!

#181

Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.

#182

When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony. But the reception was amazing.

#183

Why don’t crabs donate? Because they’re shellfish.

#184

Ever tried to eat a clock? It’s time-consuming.

#185

Who can jump higher than a house? Pretty much anyone.

#186

What do an apple and an orange have in common? Neither one can drive.

#187

Your ex. That’s the punchline.

#188

What did the finger say to the thumb? I’m in glove with you.

#189

Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference.

#190

How can you make seven an even number? Just take away the “s”!

#191

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he eventually woke up!

#192

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.

#193

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

#194

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.

#195

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.

#196

Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed some space.

#197

What’s green and has wheels? Grass.

#198

Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”

#199

Do you use your right hand to stir your coffee? I use a spoon.

#200

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

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